drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Im part way to drunk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
