I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
