So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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