god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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