So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
