i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
