I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
