Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
