respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
