STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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