if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
