Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize