Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
