I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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