No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
birth control should be required to get into college
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
