just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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