so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
