just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize