He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
