He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
