Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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