Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
