I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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