while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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