Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
