he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
