What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
