eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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