is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
