dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
