I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
