apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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