no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
