She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize