i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
