i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
