My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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