Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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