He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize