my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize