she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
