period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
