so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
