38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This baby is an asshole
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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