when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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