Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
