if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
