so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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