I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
