Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
