I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
