I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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