He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We are two peas in an std pod
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
