everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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