hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
