Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
