drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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