so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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