Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
