I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
