I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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